it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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