im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
