their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
