So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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