I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
