i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
