i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
