I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
