I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nutella sex= disaster
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
