Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
In other news, I just burned my penis
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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