So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
