never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
