Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
