i think my mom watched the whole time
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
