You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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