I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
