is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it glows. i had to have it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
