You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
