I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my shit smells like andre
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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