"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
