This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
