I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Green mimosas i think yes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
