I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
