What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
