just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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