I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
