Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
