I puked a lego.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i think i just lost a toe
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize