it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
