my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
