Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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