Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
