Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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