this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just forgot I was standing up.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
