It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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