I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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