The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
