She announced her abortion via fbk
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
