Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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