chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
