her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
