i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
soo... how was my night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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