And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
