Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The power of my boobs compel you
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
