No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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