it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
