your parents love me but you hate me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Everything about him screamed your future.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
