I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate all girls vehemently.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
