Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
