Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
