How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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