so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
