I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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