Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
