like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Randomize
