time to smoke my breakfast
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
