party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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