I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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