I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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