last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
