Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
