sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
