you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
