Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
