I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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