At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize