That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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