I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize