This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
