last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
