I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
