He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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