I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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